its never easy to find a reason to like NS.

so many days yet i cant find a simple one.
yet, million reasons to dislike it.
sigh. when can i ORD?
please release me.

its always a common sight to see some stand lonely, half-fuck, one leg standing, facing de ground as if there are cash. some looked as depressed as those in IMH; maybe those patients looked happier instead. some just lie on their bed contemplating. some just keep on packing their cupboards as if there are many clothes inside though. sad scenerios tats gonna happen in couple hours time.

heavily miss those time sitting outside Starbucks mugging.
those time squandering all the money away on pool.
those time in the computer labs playing CounterStrike.
those time defyin lecturers.
those time doing T, A , M , M ,Y dance in the north canteen. " tammy tammy all the way!!"

now, its all abt endurance. tolerating f ppl. swallowin tempers down.
im choked already actually.

i went through another level of hell this week. had a 2days 1 night field camp. was great. slept 2hrs. so nice. 2hrs fightin the snoring machine gun of some platoon mate. it was den i started to thank the ppl who invented ear plugs. with much delight, i smiled when the noise pollution had lessen. it was den the commandos mosquitoes came. i gave up. surrendered. as expected i was raped. commando mosquitoes showed no mercy at all. my universal O+ blood was much of a buffet to them. was boiled under the fiery sun de next day. almost fainted. did countless of fatigue work. store IC rem? i dont deserve such an "honour" . my buddy started to hallucinate on tues and never came back ever since. i tink he will be back todae. funny right, i tuat he was possessed. i sounded like a pussy soldier right. i remind your. im a suffering field engineer, not those driver sitting in the rover sleepin all day long. reported sick when came back. my right eye is sore. i guess im too heaty already. my back is pain too. de doctor is also "extremely" nice. he gave me one day light duties. came back from medical centre and tons of fatigue work lying in front me. i really surrendered. shoot me pls.

fatigue work are real sai kang. carrying this and tat from store. account the equipments inside. heavy like fuck. i tink my back pain is due to all this shit. for fuck responsibility i told myself, i carry on and tried to make sure things goes right in de end still. overjoyed when i knew the book out time. everyone were as if they are the fathers and their first baby were born in the operation room. all started to do area cleanin as if they never clean before; was even better den spring cleaning; some started to change to civilian clothes. den came instructions some had to go keep the tentage at the rugby field. Store IC has to follow.

light duties i reminded myself. yet, for fuck responsibility i told myself again, i dragged a totally despondent soldier there with a few more miserable souls. we keep the tentage; pull the strings, keep the poles as if a calamity was anticipated. finally, we booked out le.

i love my saturdae.
its was a 12hrs with her.
12 fruitful hours.

right now, ive got this song Usah Lepaskan by Taufik Batisah.
its totally emo certified.

Yang terindah
terlukis di bibir mu
tak pernah ku lihat senyum mu
sebegitu
pudar kah sudah cinta yang ku beri
berwarna warni segala
yang dijanjikan ia
Chorus
Usah biarku bersendirian
Usah biar hati mu di tawan
usah biar diri ku disini
seorang menunggu tanpa teman
Usah lepas genggaman tangan mu
usah biar semua berlalu
usah terlupa perasaan hati
pertama kali kita bertemu
Usah lepaskan
Bridge
Tak mudah ku melupa segala yang berlalu
ku ingin selalu bersama mu
Chorus
Usah biarku bersendirian
Usah biar hati mu di tawan
usah biar diri ku disini
seorang menunggu tanpa teman
Usah lepas genggaman tangan mu
usah biar semua berlalu
usah terlupa perasaan hati
pertama kali kita bertemu
Ku tak peduli apa sebabnya
engkau dan dia harus bersama
mendungnya langit bila berkata
kita patutnya masih bersama
Usah lepaskan
Usah lepaskan
Usah lepaskan

------
now the real shit
------

The most beautiful thing
is there on your lips
i've never seen you smile that way for me
has my love gone dry, you had to run to him
it sounds wonderful and nice
the future he's promising you
Chorus
Don't leave me here all alone
don't give your heart away to him
don't leave me standing here
alone waiting with nothing
Don't let go of my hand
don't throw everything away
don't forget the way we felt
the first time we met
don' let it go
Bridge
it's hard for me to just forget about us
i only wish to always be with you
i don't care what the reason is
you should be together with him
and i don;t even care if the heavens don't agree
you and me still be in love
don' let it go
don' let it go

------

oh yeah
i miss my girl now.
;(