testimonial match.

fun. sweat. robust tackles. dribbles. tricks. defence-splitting passes.
its been a long time man.

match among all the poly dudes.
score a couple of goals. when will the next soccer game comes again?

ladies & gentlemen,
im 9 days away from Tekong.

seriously i suddenly feel some pre-NS jitters.

a decision to be made.

countdown : 11 more days.

serve the nation with pride & dignity.

Because of you, I am standing tall

i might be the slowest again.

but i just heard Taylor Hicks' vocals.
and hes the reason why hes the American Idol.

Do I Make You Proud.
Watch this.
Breathtaking vocals.



Ive never been the one to raise my hand
That was not me, and now thats who I am
Because of you, I am standing tall
My heart is full of endless gratitude
You were the one, the one to guide me through
Now I can see
And I believe
Its only just beginning
This is what we dream about
But the only question with me now is...
Do I make you proud?
Stronger than I ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
Do I make you proud?
Everybody needs to rise UP
Everybody needs to be loved
To be loved. ohh..

This is what we dream about
But the only question with me now
Is do I make you
Do I make you proud?

The only question..is....do i make you proud?

Stronger than I ever been.
Never been afraid of standing out
Do I make you Proud?
Do I make you proud?

:(

another sleepless night.

countdown : 14more days.

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like
I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

ladies & gentlemen. Michael Buble's Home.

as i count, its just about 15 more days away.

i'll be bald. oh well, im not panicked by the life in there. com`on ive gone through all sorts of hardship ok. strong like fuck. brawny like bull okae. im more fretful for some people whose on this island. one great person is my mum.

i think my mum should be placed in Guiness world of Records as the greatest mum living alive.
yeah i worry for her.

and of course someone else. all my blog readers should know by now. though plenty of stuffs happen, and even how sad things will go, or maybe better in future, i dont know. i dont expect much now. i just scared i fall like fuck.
yupp i worry for her. even if i dont know if she still visits here.
hell loads. i care a hell loads. but i cant do much. just in case, its wrong again. causing all sorts of misery and resentment. cos im just dumb & dumber. nv do the right things. if i can start a show, it would be, " Everybody Hates Zhao ". hah. its not funny. im serious.

national service is just nothing. its just like going to the mandai zoo and get trampled by some super kao-peh officers. and when you come out, u look silly with no hair and tanned like aliens.
just like ET.

the people that u are close to you are the something. i tink NS men should be given free outgoing calls. so tey can always communicate with their important people. aye talking about welfare again. we'll have to go back to General Election. boring.

bye. its late

i remember saying three things to do if u are down.
cut all ur hair? eat chocolates? or shopping?

today. i arrange to meet my gay band members. met Ham & Mck & Joy with the intention to eat Chocolate Fondue at Hagen Daz in Far East. i doot know. maybe some eating will do good. little did we realise that tat Hagen at Far East was closed down. i decide to go down Esplanade's Hagen. when i reached esplanade, i know i felt worse. because.

:(

its pretty meaningless i guess.

i try to put pictures up. but it doesnt even work too.

we ate Hans later on. and chilled at the esplanade.

Mck & I sang. couples stop kissing and walked off. Police patrol and walked off. there is no more law. just like yesterday at the immigration counter how i challenge the officers.

this officer stopped and check my bag to see if i got contraband cigarettes.

Me: " check lor. " as i pulled up my berms.

Officer: " im asking u if you got buy cigarettes over"

Me: "u check lor"

Officer randomly touched my sides and my ass. alright nothing and of course, nothing's in my bag too. dden another idiot whose at the system shouted to him that i got lighters.

Officer: "You got lighters in your bag den you dont smoke meh, no cigarettes?"

he tried to be smart.

Me: "Check lor."

i didnt realise i bring a total of 3 lighters over malaysia. i must be crazy. but who cares. so to no avail, tey let me go. even though they still try to find faults in me. i was chewing wrigley. tey asked me to spit out.

ok lor. spit.

oh man, zhao u suck to core.
fortunately hes just 17days away from this island.

first this guy is so centered in his thinkings. so damn sure of his principles and theories. maybe close to a chauvanist. he doesnt know. he is not the mr-understandable who knows all feelings in a girl. he so stone he doesnt know anything in fact. just call him dim-witted. and he only he bothers is his feelings. his strong-willed, obstinate feelings. technically speaking, hes nothin eligible, not even a bit of a bf-material, except for the tiny filial towards his mum, some awful results, plae some filthy sports, speak funny sarcasm, hmm, frankly nothing much. i tink he never listens well. doesnt comprehend at all. nothing goes into him. even if u tell him a simple 1 2 3, he thinks its A b c instead. he carries the word " fuck" in every sentence. offensive and plain sickening. he just so fucking thick and saying things, doing things and ends up straining and putting weights on relationship of his. frightening the wits off anyone. no matter how bold she can be.

hes a monster because hes zhao. hes got nobody to blame except himself.

eat chocolates. go shopping. guys if u are down, try these two. its wonderful.
or do wad i did. i did a triple. i cut my hair too.

i felt this's a great song. very charming vocalist too.

morning soccer. cut on the right arm. big bruise on the right leg.
no pain. nothing is more pain.

work. the boyfriend went fitting room to try out clothes and the girlfriend try to flirt with me.
little did she know im in an ultra low mood, bad tempered and almost a killer. i couldnt be bothered with such a slut. so politely, i fucked her off.

everything is just so messy.
what actually is going on.

my heart was threw down from high storeys and being operated back in me.
i feel so sad.

another exclusive X Japan's music. Endless Rain. Watch it people.

since already awaken, i made it seems like i've woke up. tried to yawn and drag myself to the kitchen for hmmm, a banana? they say banana is an energy-boosting fruit. i ate it with dry throat. nah all lies. i dont feel any source of energy.

work. nthin but work. and so, hamza came down from clementi to meet me at marina square. due to some work commitment, he waited for me for some fucking 5-6 hours. sorry dude. thanks for coming down. i felt dead. but the gayism in you made me felt slightly alive. chatted awhile and off i am to meet Shao & Lun. i didnt want to go home. the world sleeps but not me anymore.

we ate some Nasi Lemak and chatted. the gayism in Shao & Lun makes me slightly alive again. thanks dudes. we talked even though i know Lun's mind is in his own world and Shao is boasting his Two Big Balls ( his waist pouch) .

for all we noe, today is just another gloomy day. and the rest of my life.

X Japan's Forever Love. Pianist is Yoshiki. hes really superb talented. Vocalist is Toshi. Guitarists are Hide, Pata and Heath. Anyway Hide is dead. Best Band ive seen.

When my blog's Unchained Melody finished. Play this song. its damn nice.

Other than this. Nothing else to mention.

today's just another sad day. i dont know if i work today. i just do things i normally wont do. or maybe i wasnt normal before. i need to sleep. i didnt yesterday. i wan to sleep till i cant wake up.

todae is a sad day.
:( very.

check out X Japan's Forever love.
words & music by Yoshiki.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LASqzGlGXNI&search=forever%20love%20x%20japan
above's a link to Forever Love sang by Toshi at Hide's Funeral.

heres the translation.

I'll never walk alone again, the winds of time are to strong.
Ah, it's that what you hurts, which you'll have to live with...
Ah, this tight embrace, and this burning, unchanged heart.
In this ever changing time, love will never change.

Will you hold my heart? Stop flowing tears.
Again, all of my heart is broken....

Forever love, forever dream
Only flowing emotions,bury this intense,
trying, meaningless times.
Oh tell me why ... all I see is blue in my heart.

Will you stay with me? Wait until after the wind passes,
all my tears are still flowing...

Forever love, forever dream Stay with me like this.
Hold my trembling heart in the dawn.
Oh stay with me...

Ah, everything good seems to be ending,
in this unending night.
Ah, what else would you lose if nothing at all matters.

Forever love, forever dream, stay with me like this.
Hold my trembling heart in the dawn.

Oh will you stay with me... Until the wind passes,
stay with me again.

Forever love, forever dream, I'll never walk this path.
Oh tell me why, tell me true, teach me how to live.
Forever love, forever dream, within flowing tears
Bright seasons will forever change again and again ....
forever love...

i had been the most loyal Gunner fan ever.

from Tony Adams to Kolo Toure now. it had been years. so their qualifications into the Champions League Final done me real proud. absolutely man.

just came back from the Final Game. i felt so damn disgusted by the refereeing decisions.
probably im biased but we all can see. the referee love Barcelona so much. Did Ronaldinho really play? he didnt man. wad stepovers or patterns. hes more like a vase. Look at how well Arsenal defend before allowing two "lobang" goals. fuck Alumnia or wadever reserve keeper.

but yet, Gunners lost 2-1. i guess we could only accept such fate. Cos in real life, we dont always win either. Congrats to any Barca supporter. As least, this match is more real and does not resemble like the match in the previous Champion League final, Liverpool vs Ac Milan. Milan was leading 3-0 and pool came back to score 3 and win the game. bull shit. oh well...

Long live gunners.

we all have dreams.

so do it.

im so fascinated by how a human mouth can exaggerate.

making a mountain out of a molehill.
making an A4 CLEAR WHITE paper into a foul-smelling, sollied paper.
and fucking crippling a relationship im building using double, triple efforts.
its easy to build trust but it takes only an unverified, insubstantial lanjiao words to destroy the whole thing.

and for fuck sake, talk with brains man. with brains.
think a million times. a trillion times. in and out, out and in before you speak.
IF U DUNNO, dun judge. dont tink tat u are right in whatever u see or feel.
cos i am not the simple tom, dick or harry u see anywhere.
therefore, think with brains.

i know sporeans speak without thinking much. com`on who doesnt? or else wad do lawyers earn?
even myself, i rubbished so much so freaking much but at least its logical for some fuck shit. it makes sense and it can be proven. and its just for amusement. with nothing more than any immoral intention or any fucked up motive.

com`on. somethings are just too hard to hide.
no matter how u backstab a person, a paper cannot never wrap the fire.
the innocent will know it in the end no matter how.
SO WADS THE POINT of ddoing it?
be a man.

wad do u gain for bad-mouthing or vicious remarks?
what the fuck can u achieve?
King of Backstabbers?
this is disgusting man.
too much of sour grapes man.

so hereby i had to clarify one more thing.
im not gonna do any puffing anymore.
and purely im doing it for my girl. because if im not goonna do it , shes not gonna do it. and if shes not gonna do it. she will be a million times healthier and lives longer than me.
for those who believe me. thanks. and for those who dont, just watch and see.

whatever it is, be true to yourself.

as continued from the previous entry.

We woke up and spent the second day which was like few hours more to night.. livers burnt. throats inflamed.. everyone were Rod stewart wannabes. and chalet kinda turned bored after first night turned out to be so happening. (bloody dunno where all the videos and pictures gone, i will try to upload man. u guys can have a great laugh. )

reached home. totally drained and i collapsed.

so in my dreams, i fucked everyone again.

the following day.

woke up to work. yeahh gonna get "sunflower award". the most hardworking fella in spore. total hatred for working life man. i rather sit in the lectures and doze off or anything. sit in the canteen and search for Tammy or wad so ever. make fun of people and totally slack my ass down the road. now everyday its just standing at different spots and facing the most imbecile customers u ever seen in ur life. they are so moronic u cant believe it. one example:

Customer: So where are these products made?

Me: China. Nowadays things are all made in China. Cheap labor wad. everything also want to cut costs mah.

Customer: China? hmm so its means low quality lar?

Me: No lah cut costs not low quality. Quality is standard everywhere one. Singapore very focus on quality checks. QC. u noe QC?
(Note: in retail line, u have to lie and be the most hypocrite bitch in the world)

Customer: dunno leh. i only heard before ICQ.

Me: *fuck you cb*

Had a gathering with my colleagues last night. ate steamboat and reached home 5am. i dunno man. dont ask if i ate the whole steamboat down. dead and still dead. worked this early morning when everyone is still snoring. i repeat. i felt dead.

but sometimes things go so weird. u get this surge of strength and u manage to crawl home and bath and go down clarke quay again. please dont ask me wads this strength called. oh man. and sometimes the fatigue and depression and unhappiness or wadever fucked up unbalanced hormones tats in ur body, they will just go away. yeahh go away. simply when you saw her.

cos there will be a smile in ur gayish heart.

as the saying goes, " bo ta bo lan pard"

i proved to be the one with most lan pard. and ta whatever drink tat was presented straight in front of my baboon-alike face. people drank till they are damn high. but i drank till i was too full. i thought my stomach was like bursting and flaming with hard liquor but i believe all 7 guys felt that there was no more tomorrow.

flash back.

woke up as usual. by the highly anticipation and passion for the chalet. we all wanted a gathering man. a toast-up gathering. an all dead gathering. a fuck-the-world gathering. met Ant, Shawn, Hamza and took a quick journey on some fucking double decker bus. i cant remember when was my last bus journey. i hate buses.

anyway i still pay 55cents for my bus trips. except those double-deck. its like every commuter's bus fare, the bus driver tend to gain some commission. they just want me to throw every single coin in. so no 55cents tat morning. cb.

Mackey, Ah gu & Joy joined us at Pasir Ris. and we ate Cavana. so gay typin wad we ate too but this is inter-related in the latter part of the story. and remember. its Cavana. the smelly chicken rice in some green plate that is Halal. alright. took a cab down from there and check in. tried hard to keep the room organised and clean.

okae under the scorching weather, we decided on Escape Theme park. need some thrills and screams to make us go fanatical. first ride was like CUPS-look-alike shit thing. i dont know its name. alright enough to make me yelp some vulgarities vocabulary out.

moved on and fucking enough, the 360 degrees shit ride. ohh it got me higher and butterflies start to flap their wings in my stomach. the chickens i ate just now starts to lay eggs. and i tink there is tsunami in my stomach too. so guess wad.

"awwwrrrhhh"

chickens and butterflies came out. oh great. and i continued to bounce around weak-ly.
yeahh playing dumb rides in a low mood. and then vomitting like a gay. how fuck the day can it be. but i vomited and felt great. wah lao damn sick in mind.
played the choo choo tram that comes down from top and splashed dirty water all over you. another bullshit ride.
so got up the pirate ship. got high again and threw up again. this time i could control but i think im such a bastard ass i just wanted to get rid the chickens. and this indian girl tat was in front of me was like so freaking fearful.. wahahha. i could still remember her anxious eyes.
so my cb friends and i embarked on our journey and went on to the haunted house. there were plans to f the ghosts but we didnt even encounter one. boring.
alright time for some racing. Go-cart. or wadever. cant remember. race hard but engine was not doing its best. Ant's cart was damn gay and couldnt run. Joy was the fucker and banged us from the back. Ant hit his head and i whacked my ankle against the gas pedal.
then, had a giant CANDY FLOSS. omg. i like that candy floss. all the gays share at burger king. and we went on to plae that water bumper. i tuat tat was like the best ride tat tey had. water shooting sensation. bringing back some childhood times man. water guns at swimming complex.

alright back to chalet. ate burger king. and making plans to watch EPL. Botak and John joined us. and my dear Arsenal is still in their champions league. and 4th in position. everythings over and we went back chalet from some unknown kopitiam. we took a cab again. and this time finally is the moment. the moment we've been all waiting for.

Ant opened the Vodka as he, Shawn and Mackey faced Botak me and Joy. on the stone table man. first two cups everyone was like damn sober and grinning happily. 4th one than 5th one. and omg. vodka had just finished. i was still 1/4 sober and i know what was going on. Botak stood up cos i went to spit away some water in my mouth. Botak thought i vomited and he start to throw up like fuck. Joy carried himself to the drain and crouched down like a dog and start to vomit too. we are all sick. wahhaha and i sat at the stone seat and start to mumble.

for god sake. i dont know wad i said. Ant opened Chivas again. drank some and i dont know what happened again. mother fucker. i could only remember. two indian security came down and i was reprimanding our neighbours. i tink those who come chalet to sleep are really dumb people. but i dont know which ass tried to cover my mouth. ( Note: i have not vomit yet)

dragged myself to the bed, oblivious of the surroundings. i dont know whose dead yet. whose not. but i know soon, there are ppeople lying beside me and Mackey screaming, " Volcano VOLCANO" .. we all noe. somebody is gonna throw up in the room. and this made me so sick, i stood up and went out to vomit again. for the god damn third time in the day.

i felt dead. and wanted to be dead. how i wish i could be dead.

woke up. hungoveer and was like a corpse. Ant was like a deceased body. and he vomited just beside my face last night. wah kaoz. the rest are awaken by the earsplitting metal music coming from the hp ringtone of Ant's. who could stands it? its worse than alarm clocks.

to be continued...

alright elections results out.
so PAP won 82 out of 84 seats.
i guess this was pretty much expected right?
so whats the big woo-ha and cheering?
whats up with the rallies?
i mean whoever wins it just want to make citizens live at comfy right?

maybe im just those future spoilt voter man.

but im not in the mood to talk much abt politics.
cos' ever since noon im dead.

dead.

im just waitin to die from alcohol tml night.
cos nothing is meaningful.

like anthony says,
"Count to 6 and die. Fuck the people! Fuck the world! Fuck it all!"

yeahh fuck you zhao.

bye.
you love her so much by lee sheng jie and lin long xuan.

had been sleeping late and waking up at the most anomalous hour, 6am.

is this the symptons of getting old?
cos i often see my grandma wake up at those really early morning when the rooster is training his vocals.

anyway happie birthdae to my mum.
brought her pair of puma yesterdae and treated her to crystal jade.
hope shes happie and stays great for life yeahh.

countdown : 36 days.

days are nearing. its just like dying soon.
but it doesnt really matter. but somehow i felt scared.
and im gonna look uglier than uglier. bald like fuck.
yeahh if anyone do noes, im refering to my obligation.

any party can fight for rights into not cutting the hair?
if there is, i vote my whole ass in.

sometimes, u just wanna talk some sense into ur other party.
hoping shes just fine and happy. but you ended being harsh in your words.
sometimes, u meant the best for her.
hoping shes will understand tat some things are meant to be. but you ended being foolish in your language.
sometimes, u are just scared. its worse than seeing her so-called "mok-mok", cos 2yrs of cb army is like conviction for manslaughter.
u never noe what happen in the outside world,
probably not even knowing which country won the world cup.
or importantly wad happen to her.
never know.

understand the level of insecurity and trepidation?

and as i pick up my courage, its 37 more days to national service.

de much awaited poly chalet before enlistment for guys is here.

7th may. its time to count down.
omg. omg. gonna be the most happening thing man.

probably lots of dudes getting alcohol poisoning the following minute.

well death.

" TA !!!!!!!!!! "

" BO TA BO LAN PARD !!! "