each time i blog an entry, it means im bookin in soon.
and each time i do so, i dont feel happy at all.
in fact, heartrending instead.
matter of fact, pretty emotional.
its as if i wont come out again, as if ... hmm.. i dunno. at this point of time, im loss for words.

being optimistic, NS not so bad afterall, because it allows u to meet different kind of ppl in this world. funny and uncanny ppl. they are just oblivious of what they are doing sometimes. i realise i just complain too much. i would love defending spore. i was elated when spore football team won last night against malaysia. not much reason but the feeling was great. im not tryin to be political here. but i guess de sense of belonging in this country is finally overcoming my long-lost freedom.

apparently, human spent most of their time wasted on sleeping. ok i agree u feel fabulous after rest, i agree sleepin allow u to run away from things too. i agree sleepin is like the best thing a human loong for after a tiring day. but imagine if we do not need to sleep, we could have 24hours full a day. and millions of things can be done if there is 24hrs.

im having a heartache now.
lol. literally yes. an acing heart.
i will be in camp when my girl turned 18 this coming tues.
oh yeah, i feel like fucked not being able to celebrate her birthday.
im like so..
loss for words again.

imagine all de accumulated feelings of dejected;emotional;throbbing and i dunno what-so-ever fucked i feel now. its so not nice now. last week was a terrible week. field camp with a swollen sore eye. its damn infuriating. all my uniforms were just like soaked in muddy soil. coming week is a week full of field camps. so much for a soldier.

its never easy to find a reason to like NS.

so many days yet i cant find a simple one.
yet, million reasons to dislike it.
sigh. when can i ORD?
please release me.

its always a common sight to see some stand lonely, half-fuck, one leg standing, facing de ground as if there are cash. some looked as depressed as those in IMH; maybe those patients looked happier instead. some just lie on their bed contemplating. some just keep on packing their cupboards as if there are many clothes inside though. sad scenerios tats gonna happen in couple hours time.

heavily miss those time sitting outside Starbucks mugging.
those time squandering all the money away on pool.
those time in the computer labs playing CounterStrike.
those time defyin lecturers.
those time doing T, A , M , M ,Y dance in the north canteen. " tammy tammy all the way!!"

now, its all abt endurance. tolerating f ppl. swallowin tempers down.
im choked already actually.

i went through another level of hell this week. had a 2days 1 night field camp. was great. slept 2hrs. so nice. 2hrs fightin the snoring machine gun of some platoon mate. it was den i started to thank the ppl who invented ear plugs. with much delight, i smiled when the noise pollution had lessen. it was den the commandos mosquitoes came. i gave up. surrendered. as expected i was raped. commando mosquitoes showed no mercy at all. my universal O+ blood was much of a buffet to them. was boiled under the fiery sun de next day. almost fainted. did countless of fatigue work. store IC rem? i dont deserve such an "honour" . my buddy started to hallucinate on tues and never came back ever since. i tink he will be back todae. funny right, i tuat he was possessed. i sounded like a pussy soldier right. i remind your. im a suffering field engineer, not those driver sitting in the rover sleepin all day long. reported sick when came back. my right eye is sore. i guess im too heaty already. my back is pain too. de doctor is also "extremely" nice. he gave me one day light duties. came back from medical centre and tons of fatigue work lying in front me. i really surrendered. shoot me pls.

fatigue work are real sai kang. carrying this and tat from store. account the equipments inside. heavy like fuck. i tink my back pain is due to all this shit. for fuck responsibility i told myself, i carry on and tried to make sure things goes right in de end still. overjoyed when i knew the book out time. everyone were as if they are the fathers and their first baby were born in the operation room. all started to do area cleanin as if they never clean before; was even better den spring cleaning; some started to change to civilian clothes. den came instructions some had to go keep the tentage at the rugby field. Store IC has to follow.

light duties i reminded myself. yet, for fuck responsibility i told myself again, i dragged a totally despondent soldier there with a few more miserable souls. we keep the tentage; pull the strings, keep the poles as if a calamity was anticipated. finally, we booked out le.

i love my saturdae.
its was a 12hrs with her.
12 fruitful hours.

right now, ive got this song Usah Lepaskan by Taufik Batisah.
its totally emo certified.

Yang terindah
terlukis di bibir mu
tak pernah ku lihat senyum mu
sebegitu
pudar kah sudah cinta yang ku beri
berwarna warni segala
yang dijanjikan ia
Chorus
Usah biarku bersendirian
Usah biar hati mu di tawan
usah biar diri ku disini
seorang menunggu tanpa teman
Usah lepas genggaman tangan mu
usah biar semua berlalu
usah terlupa perasaan hati
pertama kali kita bertemu
Usah lepaskan
Bridge
Tak mudah ku melupa segala yang berlalu
ku ingin selalu bersama mu
Chorus
Usah biarku bersendirian
Usah biar hati mu di tawan
usah biar diri ku disini
seorang menunggu tanpa teman
Usah lepas genggaman tangan mu
usah biar semua berlalu
usah terlupa perasaan hati
pertama kali kita bertemu
Ku tak peduli apa sebabnya
engkau dan dia harus bersama
mendungnya langit bila berkata
kita patutnya masih bersama
Usah lepaskan
Usah lepaskan
Usah lepaskan

------
now the real shit
------

The most beautiful thing
is there on your lips
i've never seen you smile that way for me
has my love gone dry, you had to run to him
it sounds wonderful and nice
the future he's promising you
Chorus
Don't leave me here all alone
don't give your heart away to him
don't leave me standing here
alone waiting with nothing
Don't let go of my hand
don't throw everything away
don't forget the way we felt
the first time we met
don' let it go
Bridge
it's hard for me to just forget about us
i only wish to always be with you
i don't care what the reason is
you should be together with him
and i don;t even care if the heavens don't agree
you and me still be in love
don' let it go
don' let it go

------

oh yeah
i miss my girl now.
;(

book out on friday, off for saturdae, sunday, and early monday.

why mon? because of de off in lieu they owe us when we booked out on sat last week. this week was horribly shiong. field engineers. non stop outfields. wtf. carrying numerous timbers, concertina wires or big zinc plates running from one end to another, under de Cat 1 conditions, heavy downpour ; dramatic flooding ; both ankles could be seen sunken into the soil ; some start to swim to remove items. exaggeratin right? flashes of lightning were seen, this where u see soldiers running like fanatics back to trainin sheds. we thought we were filmin saving private ryan, local edition.
oh well. soldier. memorable indeed. but once's enuff.
totally drained.

friday not so nice night.

saturdae not so nice morning.

saturdae not so nice noon.

down to a 21st birthdae chalet. wao. just a glimpse. everyone is gonna be 21 already this year. i still feel god damn not 21. well kinda of million things to reflect upon. was good. secondary sch friends got drunk suddenly. murmur rubbish, nerves not working.. amusing scene.

sundae morning came. my girl came down pasir ris to wait for me. ;)
i think having her is a greatest gift.

ate at marina square and saw potential catastrophic signs. probably gonna be end of tomorrow or wad do u call this. cos there this ass, nostradamus who predicted end of world or some armagedon. ah. lets look forward. he didnt got it right this time. though all those terror attacks he sort of got it.

well took a walk around.
bridal shops?
"wanna take a look at our wedding package?"
haha.
maternity shops?
Paint8?

haha.

todae is mondae. gonna meet my girl!!! oooo
however its book in day todae. sigh. a tough week awaits me.
cannot take it man especially tey say recruits' pay rise to 450 already.

fuck.

4 days of holidays were like quite long before bookin in.
didnt wanted to go back camp. some friends were posted to other camps already so it was quite lonely and bored. new bunk mates; had to make new friends even though same camp. first day was quite sian. everybody just display on their expressions. we all noe. life really sucks.

always said, im like not servin the army, was 2yrs of life sentence.

i guess its just an obligation only. i guess my only reason y im had not play act any injuries ( chao keng) is tat i wan to protect my loved ones. sounds corny right. lol. but i think tats the only real meaning of servin army. nothing much more. how will feel getting screwed all day long, doing tons and tons and tons of fatigue work ( with shit luck was appointed store IC somemore), theoreotically meaning King of Fatigue Work. Fatigue work is also the a much beautiful phrase compared to words, " Sai- Kang" though both are the same. depress shit. going through some sad life.

always look forward for night to fall cos tat time will be on the bed with the already-5-weeks-never-changed-bedsheet tat carried my smell and saliva, haha talking to my girl. so nice lah. cos.. hmmm cos its just so peaceful and nice hearing to things i wanna hear no more those of yelling and screamin or cursing or spatting of vulgarities.

these wad one of my sergeant had analysed, u see how bored ppl tey are.

CB LAH : its means the person who scold this is angry. Very angry.

LANJIAO LAH: its mean the person disagree with wad you say.

e.g.
Person A go disturb Person B by pulling his hair.
Person B will scold?
ans is CB LAH and not LANJIAO LAH because he is angry.

outstanding.

following weekdays were equally depressing. dont wanna mention abt it. i struggled through again.

den reach saturdae. didnt book out on fridae. if there was a depression graph, u can see the abnormal fluctuation. sat there was a demolition live firing. woke up at 3 fuckin am. three
its a three. really almost wanted to just hang myself there and die. its doesnt matter already man.

when everything finished i realised i was half dead.

sundae was loved ones day. watch spirit of the victim and ate pasta with my girl. damn horror la the show though some ghosts look the same and retarded. pasta just brigten up her day, i hope it will also for her next week. 1 week very fast de ok? u noe wad i mean. most to most 32 kids?
haha. not yet including twins. always pleasant eating with you. yeah two very happy ppl outside pasta mania. haha..den went home ate again tat mum cooked. haha. yeah felt kinda of blissful.

den i have to fuckin book in again.
and heres where i hate my life.
to hell with the green uniform.

2007!

ultra early BOOK OUT on fridae. it was an late afternoon but to many of us, it was pure joy man. lol. late evening was a dinner with camp mates which we had it in JB. some seafood. thumbs up. full and totally unmovable. we were like some fat ass sitting on de plastic chairs tat could break cos of the inability to hold our weights.

late night met up my girl.
chilled.
;)

saturdae had steamboat at my girl's relatives place, prepared by her grandma. omg. i guess there was certain shyness or the degree of paisehness that was in me, shucks, im not gonna elaborate, u noe? well we all noe. rock on.

sundae had steamboat again at my girl's fren's place. not so bashful i guess. had pretty much to eat the whole week. oh great. im growing into some japanese sumo wrestler soon. food galore everyday. stay over at my girl's place, slept till nobody's business. hahaa.

late mon noon. met up sec buddies. had a once in a blue moon gathering. drank our hearts out at sembawang yacht club. horrendous man. 10 complete jugs of Tiger. oh so retarded we are. 2 dead and vomitted all over. lol.

had a bad hangover the whole night and den the morning on tues. went down to play soccer still despite brain crack i tink. den met up my girl for lunch! dine at home with mum later on.

love this holidays totally. every single minute was well spent.
seriously, im blogging all this in short form all because im late soon!!!
-.-

promise better and more concrete stuff next week. tata!